My friend has a 10 month old and asked if they should try for another. Here was my response:
Baby #2 Litmus test.
First, make a top bunk. Fifteen times. And yea, don’t be a wussy, I’m talking fitted sheet and all. Climb your ass up that tiny ladder, bang your head on the ceiling, strip the bed and try and get all four fitted corners on straight. Now the flat sheet. Tuck all those corners in tight. Now the blanket. Stop. Strip it. Climb back down. Go back up. Do it again. If you can complete this task 14 more times without applying to Starbucks to be a part-time barista to make enough money to hire a maid you can proceed to Step 2.
Step 2 – While you are up there on that top bunk take a Jamba juice and spill it down the side. WITHOUT THE HELP OF YOUR SPOUSE move the dresser. AND book shelf back. So you can PULL the bunk bed far enough away from the wall to clean the entire wall and mop/Resolve the carpet so that the barf, I mean jamba juice, does not rot and spoil into the carpet leaving a sour milk stench that will last for nine months. Clean it, clean it again. Stop. If you can complete this task and not open a bottle of scotch or call a divorce attorney you can proceed to Step 3.
Step 3 – Draw a line 100 feet long. Hire a midget. Instruct said midget to run right in front of you and abruptly spot at random 6 foot intervals. If you can manage to stop and not spill your coffee, not drop your phone, and not beat the shit out of the midget you may proceed to conception.
