As a parent there is nothing as satisfying watching someone else’s kid lose their shit. It’s some sort of sick parental schadenfreude.
And Disneyland at 9:20 PM takes center stage.
I was thoroughly enjoying watching all the tantrums start to boil up, kids crying – either going completely wet noodle as their parents tried to pick them up or the straight-as-a-board technique while they tried to get them into strollers. If you have ever used your knee to bend your toddler into his stroller you know what I’m talking about.
I’m enjoying watching other parents’ descent into the ninth circle of hell when my little one starts to show early signs of irritation. I quickly look for some sort of panacea in the shape of a lollipop that will a) keep his attention for 10 minutes and b) spike his blood sugar levels.The fireworks don’t start for another 15 minutes and the show lasts approximately 14 – can my 7 year old hang on for another 29 minutes?
No. No he can’t.
As Tinkerbell floated down from the top of the Matterhorn my 7 year floated into his meltdown. There was laughing. Then crying. Things got spilled, feet got tripped on. I remove him from Main Street and end up in a sad back corner of the Carnation Café where I can see NO fireworks, only colored smoke.
But I can see my daughter and husband, holding each other looking up at the sky and sharing a magical moment. Jerkfaces.
I’m stuck with a crying 7 year old in my lap and a staring contest with gelatinous mushroom meatloaf.
Was I responsible for this? Perhaps. Maybe. Perhaps I did get his little ass up at 6:10 so we could get into magical hour at 7. Perhaps I fed him corndogs and frozen lemonade all day. Perhaps instead of taking a nap in the middle of the day I let him go swimming. You could say my excellent parenting skills were to blame, but then again he could be a pussy.
Thankfully, earlier in the day I discovered a little Disney secret. In the new Carsland there is vodka in Cone 3. Who knew Sally was such a partier.
It’s just enough to take the edge off but not enough to make you lose your cookies in Tower of Terror. I advise making some quick pit stops there throughout your stay.