The Most Offensive and Inapro-pro Easter Cocktails

Hello everybody and Happy Easter. If you got stuck hosting Easter brunch this year, don’t worry we have got you covered. Whether your Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Vegan we are going to set a bar that’s equally offensive to everyone.

Our first is called the Peeptini.


  • 2 Parts Marshmallow Vodka
  • 1 part raspberry schnapps
  • 1 part half and half

First, line your rim with sugar. Wet the rim and dip it into a sugar mixture which is made from a mixture of fine sugar and the raspberry schnapps to give it some color.

Shake it up with ice pour into a martini glass. Then add a peep to the rim. I suggest a serrated knife and give your peep a little camel toe and add him to the side.

It’s looks so good and it’s refreshing.

Now one of my fans wrote in and said you should make this and watch naughty movies to which I said ‘Please this is a family show……about alcohol.

Speaking of…….

What’s better than roses on your piano? These guys on your organ.

This is a twist on a lemon martini.

Tulips on Your Organ


  • 1 oz Simple syrup
  • Fresh lemon juice
  • 1 oz vodka
  • 1 oz champagne

Start with a simple syrup of sugar and lemon juice – you can cheat with a pre-made margarita mix – it’s just as good.

Add equal part of vodka, pour into a shaker with ice. Give it a good up and down motion and pour into a martini glass. Then here’s the kicker, add an ounce or sparkling champagne on the top and garnish with a lemon.

Next for our Christians and Catholic friends – we know Jesus had to wear a thorny crown but I think that’s a downer I like to think of it as a spiky tiara.

Spiky Tiara

  • 1 part Lillet Rouge
  • 3 parts ginger beer
  • Grapefruit bitters
  • Grapefruit wedge garnish

To make a Spiky Tiara you’ll need the french aperitif Lillet Rouge, it’s like if a Bartles and James cooler and sangria had a baby, it’s kind of like that but some more fun to say, go ahead say it “lillet – Rouge” the T is silent.

Grab a collins glass, fill with ice, and add 1/4 of little rouge and the rest with Ginger beer. I LOVE Reed’s but any ginger beer or ginger ale is great. Then top it off with a little grapefruit bitters. So refreshing and sweet and most importantly doesn’t require me to take a nap afterwards.

You know whose been napping a long time…Jesus.

You know religion to me is like the lottery – I pay attention when it gets big, like Easter and Christmas and the Powerball but the rest of the time I just think it’s for stupid people.


Speaking of the things rising from the dead. Our next cocktail is the Corpse Reviver.


  • Absinthe
  • 1 part gin
  • 1 part cointreau
  • 1 part fresh lemon
  • 1 oz little rouge or little blanc

Directions: First take the absinthe and swirl it around the glass – give it a nice coat and toss it out. Fill your shaker with ice and add the ingredients.

Shake well with ice and nail it into a martini glass and garnish with a lemon wedge or rusty nail.

That will bring anybody back from the dead.

So remember if Jesus does come back you need to shoot him in the head and severe his spine. Hey don’t blame me, that’s right out of the Zombie Apocalypse handbook. We don’t know – zombie jesus may be changed. He may be all like Walking Dead and be like brains…brains.. and the Trump supporters will be like ‘it’s okay you can have my brains i’m not using them..’ and even Zombie Jesus be like ‘no thank you, i’m not desperate’ . What were we talking about?

Oh yes, cocktails.

So a lot of you wrote in with your ideas – thank you!
A first idea came from Paige P in Belmont, California. Her cocktail ideas was called “The Egg Hunt” – It’s 4 shots of tequila and then I let my husband go hunting for my eggs. Way to keep it classy Belmont.

And this from Eileen P from New Jersey – The Passover Hangover Cure
She says drop a Cadbury easter egg into a stout.

You crack open a Cadbury Creme egg into a chocolate stout.

Well that’s all the time we have to offend you today. Tune in in May when we will be talking Preakness/Horse Racing cocktails. See you soon.

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