This Is What Happens When You DON’T Drink My last 48 hours My husband is out of town. Which if you are a follower of The New Stepford you know means we are all suffering from protein deficiency. No one has eaten anything but cereal and peanut butter sandwiches for the last three days. I […]
An Open Letter to Jon Hamm On His Recent Break Up 9/9/15 Oooh, ooh, ooh, Pick me, pick ME! Jon, I’m sorry to hear about your recent upcoupling. I’m sure you have an army of size 2 starlets throwing themselves at you. But before you dive into that pool of doe-eyed impressionable Pilates instructors I’d […]
I’m in Macy’s 4 minutes into a negotiation with my nine year old son about his first day of school outfit. His current offer is $30 and two doughnuts to wear a bright new yellow Ralph Lauren shirt and jeans. NO, NOT KHAKIS, only jeans. I look over at the poster featuring a pre-pubescent gender […]
Monday’s my birthday and I’m approaching it with joy and honesty. I know there will be no bounce house, no clown. I will be the last one in the kitchen to clean up the mess. I will purchase my own cake, candles, and plates. I will make my birthday dinner reservations. I will politely state […]
2:45 AM We are all too familiar with the silhouette in the door frame, back lit like the frickin Exorcist poster, meekly saying “Mommy, I threw up.” Nothing moves parents, and let’s be honest, Mothers, into military response like those four little words. I go into my auto response check list: 1. I ask him, […]
Every volunteer I know says the same thing “I love the kids, it’s the parents that drive you nuts.” I’ve been a good little volunteer at my kids’ school – choreographed the talent show, seared off my finger tips with a glue gun making the soccer banner, reheated Costco pizza to sell at the Science […]
Things you get on Mother’s Day: Cards, flowers and… hemorrhoids. Most people want to spend Mother’s Day at an over-priced brunch. Most people get soy scented candles wrapped in tissue paper in a glittery gift bag*. Most people want to spend time with their loved ones on Mother’s Day. I take an opposite approach. My […]
Darling Stepford fans, I have been remiss in posting lately. My actual job (that pays me money) is really busy, and here’s the big news, we are moving to Los Angeles. Pause for laughter, applause, polite applause, or my sister’s patented ‘you-are-an-idiot’ lip pinch smirk. I’ll blog later about how UHaul only hires social media […]
