While You Were Away : Day 3

Hi Honey, How’s the ‘training/business meeting’ thing going? Per your request and because I aim to please you since I am a worthy wife. I am still trying eradicate the crap from the garage. I was able to sell the bed on craigslist but the dresser remains stubborn and apparently wants to stay with us. […]

While You Were Away: Day 2

Day 2, 1/15/14 Hi Darling, How’s your ‘training’ going? Do you know what sound a vacuum makes when it sucks up a rainbow loom bracelet? Also, my estimated taxes are due today. Did you pay them? If not, I’ll play dumb. It’s totally working for me so far. And I decided that going on the […]

While You Were Away: Day 1

Day 1 Dear Darling Husband, It is Day 1 of your business trip, I hope it is educational and beneficial. You’re amazing and the company is lucky to have you. I’ve been attending to the ‘business’ of the house and ‘training’ the children to be young outstanding citizens. Here’s today’s recap: If you recall upon […]

Skiballing for Botox

  Jen and I are always plotting how we can pay for our Botox without our husbands finding out. Her idea, which I have blatantly stolen, is to take an extra $20 cash back every time you get groceries. This is great and adds up nicely if you’re hitting the Safeway as much as we […]

The 7 Dos and Don’ts for Facebook Newbies

My friend Becky finally joined Facebook.  I’m so excited that I’m throwing out the virtual welcome mat – a list of tips on how to use it and not abuse it so she can learn from my mistakes, and quite frankly, some of yours. WE LOVE YOUR KIDS, BUT THEY ARE NOT THAT INTERESTING. Every […]

Cool Laser Lipo and my Jewterus

Here I am getting ‘cool laser lipo’ (hey, don’t judge me I had a groupon). It is this device that they strap to your middrift and unleash a bunch a lasers to help melt the fat away. Apparently it breaks up the fat cells so that your body can reabsorb it back into your system […]

Parenthood: You’ll Never Crap Alone

It may have been something I fed the family last night (I THOUGHT the chicken smelled a little funny) but for the first time in four years everyone in the family needed to use the restroom at the same time. And I mean grab-an-Ipad-play-some-Words-with-Friends bathroom time.   Daddy took the master. I was able to […]

It sucks

I used to think my children were of above average intelligence. And then I watched them try to vacuum.

5 Reasons Why My Kids Will Need Therapy

They are GONNA need it. No doubt. And more than likely I’ll have no idea why. But I have some ideas. Some early indicators that may come back to bite me in the ass and pocketbook later on. 1. I had jury duty this week. In addition to getting my Princess Leia outfit down from the […]

Tanning Booth

I consider it a good day when I remember not to pee in the spray tan booth.

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